Approval and Acceptance in the Church

Acceptance\ n 1 : the act of accepting 2 : the state of being accepted or acceptable 3 : an accepted bill of exchange
(c) 1995 Zane Publishing, Inc. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary (c) 1994 by Merriam-Webster, Incorporated

Accept - verb
1 syn see APPROVE 1
rel fancy, like, relish; admire, esteem
con discountenance, disesteem, dislike, disrelish
ant reject
(c) 1996 Zane Publishing, Inc. and Merriam-Webster, Incorporated

Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it." Gen 4:6,7

Then Peter began to speak: "I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts [people] from every nation who fear him and do what is right. Acts 10:34,35

I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another. I have written you quite boldly on some points, as if to remind you of them again, because of the grace God gave me to be a minister of Christ Jesus to the Gentiles with the priestly duty of proclaiming the gospel of God, so that the Gentiles might become an offering acceptable to God, sanctified by the Holy Spirit. Rom 15:14-16

If we are Christians, we are accepted by God. God commands us to accept those whom He has accepted. We know that we are secure in God's acceptance of us, but it is equally important that we accept each other. We do not need to be approved or accepted by others in order to feel good about ourselves, but when we do not make others feel accepted we can cause them to stumble in the faith. When people admit to fighting sin, especially certain types of sin, we may become disgusted, "turned off," or even fearful. Then there are some who are non-conformists or of a different culture. They dress differently, speak differently, and perhaps have a different standard of living. Then there are the singles. We have more single women and men than ever in our churches today. Men and women alike are often treated as if there were a "scarlet letter" on their vest. This is a social stigma that has stuck with us since the days when divorce was less common. People have a bad habit of "turning their backs," even subconsciously. In the world, people that are different are often viewed as a threat. Christians are not immune to this and when it happens can cause a great deal of pain. But because we are no longer "of the world" we must be careful to guard against it. These people, that Satan would have us turn our backs on, are among the most desperate for companionship and acceptance. We know and believe that we and they are accepted by God unconditionally, but they may not. Since God accepts them unconditionally, we must accept them also.

Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand. Rom 14:1- 4

As we read above in Webster's definition, giving acceptance is also to hold someone in esteem, to admire them. This gives a person a sense of worth. Withholding acceptance does the opposite and can cause a fear of rejection. Robert S. McGee in his book, The Search for Significance says:

Virtually all of us fear rejection. We can fall prey to it even when we’ve learned to harden our defenses in anticipation of someone's disapproval . . . Rejection is a type of communication. It conveys a message that someone else is unsatisfactory to us, that he or she doesn’t measure up to a standard we’ve created or adopted . . . Whatever the form of behavior, it communicates disrespect, low value, and lack of appreciation. Nothing hurts quite like the message of rejection . . . Thousands who have been broken by this rejection have left the church without understanding Christ's accepting, unconditional love, a love that never uses condemnation to correct behavior.

As Christians we must put a stop to this manipulative behavior. We must teach others that they have the unconditional acceptance and love of God. We are God's ambassadors on earth, ministers of reconciliation to God. If we reject others, and withhold the blessing they deserve, then we should be recalled for retraining! God can certainly do the work on His own, but He has chosen us to be His representatives. As a result, we must be aware and vigilant, as Satan would like nothing better than to divide the church along lines of "approval."

How? By giving each other not just friendship, but a relationship. First, show others that they are accepted by reaching out to them outside of the church. Call them when you notice them missing, invite them to your home or out to lunch after church. Show genuine interest in their everyday lives. Reach out, especially to those who “hit the altar” most frequently, or who show an abundance of sorrow or tears during a service. The Blessing by Gary Smalley and John Trent teaches that everyone needs The Blessing. In their book they teach:

The Basic Elements of The Blessing:

• Meaningful Touch

The act of touch is a key to communicating warmth, personal acceptance, and affirmation.

• A Spoken Message

Good intentions aside, good words are necessary to provide genuine acceptance.

• Attaching High Value

The words of blessing should carry with them the recognition that this person is valuable, not just pretty or talented. In scripture, recognition is based on who people are not their performance.

• Picturing a Special Future
  

We can convey to others the gifts and character traits that they have right now are attributes that God can and will use in the future.

• An Active Commitment

The blessing comes with a responsibility. The responsibility to believe in that individual and stick with them, even though they are not perfect.

Remember, people will always let you down. Jesus never will. We must do our best to let Jesus live through us and help us to fulfill our responsibility to others. Our responsibility to others doesn’t end when the worship service ends.

We read again in The Blessing:

A Churchwide guideline for loving others:

Imagine what would happen if an entire church decided to bless those in their fellowship and were trained how to do it! We would have a church where relationship needs were actively being met by a welcoming handshake or hug (meaningful touch); where appreciation for a fine sermon, working in the children's department, or simply listening to a hurting brother or sister was verbally acknowledged (spoken message). We would have groups of believers who acknowledged every members true worth (attaching high value) and who gave them words of hope and encouragement to reach their God given potential (a special future). All these elements would be wrapped in the willingness to let people fail and not let them walk away unnoticed, because a decision had already been made that they were valuable (an active commitment).

There are people in our church right now, who feel loved but not accepted, left out and ignored. It doesn’t have to be, indeed it should never be.

Test me, O LORD, and try me,
examine my heart and my mind;
for your love is ever before me,
and I walk continually in your truth. Ps 26:2,3

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 1Jn 4:7-12

Father, you are my sovereign Lord, who has accepted me fully despite my many faults. Lord, I ask you today to bless me, to point out where I have failed you, to forgive me, and that you be with me and keep me from sin, so that I may show your unconditional love and acceptance to others. I make my request in Jesus' name, Amen