A Question of Integrity

Ah, integrity. One of my favorite subjects! One pastor I served with refused to meet me for lunch (church business) at a public restaurant because he was concerned what would be said if people saw us together. Another pastor regularly asked me to lunch meetings at restaurants without any concern. One of my author mentors, John Maxwell, won't even board an elevator alone with a woman (but what if it was a gay man?). What happened to assuming integrity in ministers? Never mind, don't answer that!

You well know, that we Christians (and ministers too!) are as much at risk as everyone else for falling into sin, and I do believe that we should have boundaries in place that fit us and our situations. But I also believe that trust should be a factor in all our relationships.

Pastor #1 (above) was an extraordinarily handsome, charismatic man near to my own age, with a very young and jealous wife, who knew that being "alone" with me in a restaurant (even for a business lunch) was a recipe for trouble. They moved on and I have had no more contact with him or his family despite having a very close leadership bond when I served on his team.

Pastor #2 was an older man (early 60's), also handsome, very secure in his marriage, and had no qualms at all about being alone with women or what others would think if he were. He routinely counseled women (and men) behind closed doors. He and his wife and I are still very close friends.

What I'm trying to say is that among ourselves (church leadership) we must assume integrity first, defend our peers in ministry when accusations and rumors begin to spread, but be prepared to hold each other accountable and stand with the fallen through the fire.

I, as a single woman, am very secure in my identity, and my ability to maintain integrity with the opposite sex. That said, I have boundaries in place that will hopefully prevent my being tempted by sexual attraction. Will I counsel a man alone in my office? Yes, but only if there is someone else close by. Church policy says that I have a window in my door that is unobstructed. Will I invite a man (Trustee!) into my parsonage to fix the furnace? Yes. Will I counsel a man in my home study? NO! Will I have a man sit in my living room to talk or watch the game? Depends. Is he married? Is my son at home? Will I invite others to join us? Is it a date? (There's a whole 'nother can of worms!! LOL).

It all boils down to trust. How much do you trust yourself, your leadership? How much do other people trust you? Your wife, your church? That level of trust will determine your boundaries, and your expectations of others.

If a friend or ministry leader is going to fall, counsel him (or her), warn them, then let them. If a person is determined to play with fire they will get burned, and they will learn (hopefully) not to play with fire. God is the restorer and redeemer. And that's all I have to say about that! (For now anyway! LOL)